You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This toilet bowl is my home.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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