oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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