So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
