VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
