just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize