guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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