By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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