So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
