i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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