my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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