i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
