I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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