feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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