her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
