A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Someone came in the potted fern
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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