Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
