someone owes me an orgasm
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
