Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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