I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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