my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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