I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
