Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
