You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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