I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
where are my eyebrows?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
