i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
