I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
