I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
