Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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