1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
