I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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