Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
