come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
