I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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