I wannas sexs uuuuu
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
