im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Randomize
