we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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