Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
