Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
