Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
