dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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