Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
