I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
