her vagine was all disorganized.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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