I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
