Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
