She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
