She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
