Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
