We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
