ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
