Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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