Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
