I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
