do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
