i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
