to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
