Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just high enough for therapy.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
