This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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