i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
