you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
All the doctor said was why
Randomize