I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
