you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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