I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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