I cockslap morals
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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