is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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