3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
