I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
