I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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