I need help removing her.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
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