if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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