I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
