I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
